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Showing posts from April, 2022

Control your emotions?

Meditation photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com An often misunderstood sentence is 'Control your emotions before your emotions control you'. A lot of us unfortunately try to resist feeling the emotions, mistaking them for control. Others feel them but push them inside. Both ways are almost always counter-productive. It is impossible to control anything without even acknowledging its presence in the first place. All emotions are beautiful, they are our guides. They help us find our answers. They help us connect, they help us bond, they help us understand and they help us express.  The problem is only when we let them slip away from us, or when we cannot stop feeling a certain way or get so carried away in an emotion that it feels like going down a never-ending slippery slope.  So an easier way of controlling our emotions is to first simply pause and try to understand why we are feeling a certain way. To do that w

The obligation trap vs boundaries

Zen background photo created by rawpixel.com - www.freepik.com We can help some people all the time, we can help all the people some time, but if we have to help all the people all the time it can get incredibly draining. But some people are hardwired that way. It is very difficult for them not to feel obligated to put their own interests and well-being aside for the sake of anyone and everyone who approaches them. It is almost as if there is an inbuilt trigger that goes off as soon as they are approached for any kind of work - making it impossible for them to refuse, no matter the effect on their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. It also interferes with their time management skills and thus productivity. It can result in these people feeling stressed, depleted, anxious, helpless, etc.  The other impact of being hardwired like this is that they become easy targets for energy vampires. Energy vampires are those who feed

Fear of judgement vs sharing feelings/emotions

Scented candle photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com The things that eat us up from inside, the things we hold inside, the emotions that are desperate to get out are most of the time because of our own fears of others' reactions. The fear of being judged, ridiculed and even patronized is so intimidating that holding all these painful thoughts, feelings and emotions inside seem to be a better option.  But we are all well aware of the implications of carrying such heavy baggage around. At the least, it is going to be extremely stressful but if it is held in for too long, it can also cause physical, mental and emotional long-term damage. Sad but true, a lot of men feel it is weak to be vulnerable, probably as a result of childhood conditioning and for a lot of women there is a fear of shame as well.  But everyone feels emotions, everyone hurts, everyone has feelings and everyone makes mistakes at some point or other

The sweet spot between fight or flight

Massage background photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com Recently I was trying to plan something and for some reason, everything kept falling apart. The more I tried to fix it, newer and unexpected issues kept cropping up. And then I realized I was trying too hard - I was fighting and stressing to fix the issue. I had to take a step back and just accept that there is a reason as to why nothing was working. There were some compromises to be made to my original plan and I decided to go with it without any fight or resistance. Surprise! Surprise! Things worked out way better than I had even planned for. When you trust the Universe and let go of the control a little bit and allow the universe to take over, it can be magical.  On another occasion, a while back, I tried to change my place of work because of its multiple limitations. I was frustrated and angry, and left the place with all these emotions boiling inside me and went to
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